Beyond Coping: Getting to the Root of Anxiety

When you're struggling with anxiety, you just want to feel better. You want to feel calm. You want to be able to actually relax. You want your mind to take a break sometimes. Coping skills can be incredibly helpful in getting through anxious moments. But sometimes, even when you know what to do to manage your anxiety, it keeps coming back.

That's because there's a difference between managing the symptoms of anxiety and working through what's contributing to them in the first place.

Think of Anxiety Like a Weed

Imagine you have a weed growing in your yard. You pull it out, and for a little while, the yard looks better. But a few weeks later, it's back. You pull it again, only to find yourself doing the same thing a few weeks after that.

The problem isn't that you're just pulling the weed from the surface. The roots are still there, allowing the weed to keep growing back.

Anxiety can work in a similar way. You might learn breathing exercises, challenge anxious thoughts, set better boundaries, or find ways to calm your nervous system. These are valuable tools, and sometimes they're exactly what you need. But if the underlying roots of your anxiety haven't been addressed, you may find yourself back in the same place, managing the same fears in slightly different situations.

Maybe you can calm yourself down after worrying about disappointing someone, but the fear of letting people down keeps showing up. Maybe you can challenge your thoughts before a difficult conversation, but you still feel an overwhelming need to get everything right. Or perhaps you've learned ways to manage stress, yet you still feel like you're never doing enough.

The goal isn't to stop using coping skills. We all still need ways to cope, but we also want to see whether there's something deeper that needs attention.

Coping skills can help you feel better temporarily, just as pulling a weed from the surface can make your yard look better for a little while. But when we work toward understanding and addressing the roots of anxiety, we're creating the opportunity for change that goes beyond temporary relief. Instead of continually managing the same worries as they pop up, we can begin working toward feeling better at a deeper level.

Getting to the Roots of Anxiety

Getting to the roots of anxiety can start with understanding what makes a particular situation feel so worrisome to someone.

On the surface, two people might have the same fear. For example, two people may both worry about saying the wrong thing in a conversation. But the emotional meaning of that fear can be very different. For one person, the concern might be about feeling awkward or making a mistake. For another, the possibility of saying something wrong may bring up a much deeper fear of rejection, not being good enough, or being left alone.

This is why I think it's important to look beyond the obvious symptom and get curious about what's underneath it and what's feeding it.

Imagine you're afraid of saying something wrong in a conversation. We might begin by exploring what feels so distressing about that possibility.

What's the worst part about saying something wrong?

"I'd embarrass myself."

And what's the worst part about feeling embarrassed?

"People might judge me or not like me."

And if people don't like you, what's so scary about that?

"I would be alone."

Suddenly, we're no longer just talking about saying something awkward. We're exploring a much deeper fear: the possibility of disconnection, rejection, and being alone.

Beliefs like these don't necessarily come from one obvious traumatic event. They can develop through repeated relational experiences, childhood environments where love or approval felt conditional, experiences of rejection, or early experiences that shaped how safe and connected we felt with others.

Sometimes, we can identify where these beliefs began. Other times, their origins are less clear, particularly when they relate to very early developmental experiences that we don't remember as specific events.

Either way, these beliefs may continue to influence how we respond to situations today, even when our current circumstances are very different from the ones in which they developed.

The fear on the surface may be about a conversation, but the deeper fear may be about whether you're worthy of love and connection.

When we understand that distinction, we have more possibilities for meaningful change. Rather than focusing only on managing the immediate anxiety, we can begin to work with the underlying fears and beliefs that give it so much emotional weight.

How Therapy Can Help You Work With What's Underneath Anxiety

Understanding where anxiety comes from can be an important part of therapy, but insight alone doesn't always change how you feel. You might understand exactly why you struggle with perfectionism or people-pleasing and still find yourself falling into those same responses when you're stressed.

This is where approaches that help you process emotional experiences, rather than only talk about them, can be helpful.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is one approach that can help people work through distressing experiences, current triggers, and the beliefs connected to them. Rather than only focusing on changing anxious thoughts, EMDR can help reduce the emotional intensity or charge associated with experiences that continue to affect you in the present. You can learn more about how EMDR can be used to work with anxiety and future fears in this article.

For some people, this may involve processing past experiences that contributed to feeling unsafe, unworthy, or responsible for others. For others, it may mean working with current situations that activate those fears.

Therapy doesn't have to involve digging through every painful experience you've ever had. The process should be collaborative and paced in a way that feels manageable. And while understanding the roots of anxiety doesn't mean you'll never feel anxious again, it can help you respond differently and feel less controlled by familiar fears.

You Don't Have to Spend Forever Managing the Same Anxiety

Coping skills matter. Learning to calm your body, challenge anxious thoughts, and navigate difficult situations can make a meaningful difference in your everyday life.

But if you feel like you're constantly managing anxiety and playing whack-a-mole with each new worry that comes up, it may be worth exploring what's underneath it.

You don't have to keep pulling the same weeds without ever addressing the roots. When we work with what's underneath the anxiety, we create more room for lasting change, greater confidence, and a sense of calm that doesn't depend on everything going perfectly.

Taking the Next Step

If you're ready to explore your anxiety beyond the surface level, therapy can help you better understand what you're experiencing and begin working through the things that may be contributing to it. At Spruce View Therapy, I work with women navigating chronic anxiety, overthinking, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and relational patterns using approaches that include EMDR. If you are interested in seeing if we’re a good fit to work together, you can schedule a consultation to learn more. I also offer EMDR therapy intensives in Colorado Springs and across Colorado for those looking for a more focused, accelerated approach to processing specific concerns.

Michaela Zoppa is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and EMDRIA Certified Therapist™ in Colorado Springs, Colorado. She supports women navigating anxiety, perfectionism, trauma, and burnout. She uses evidence-based, trauma-informed modalities, including EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.