What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is an evidence-based, empowering approach to healing that helps people understand and connect with the different “parts” of themselves. Rather than viewing thoughts, feelings, or behaviors as random or dysfunctional, IFS helps you see them as meaningful and protective, even if they can cause distress.
In this post, we’ll explore what parts are, how they develop, the roles they play, and how IFS therapy can help you heal.
What is a Part?
Have you ever said something like, “Part of me wants to go out, but another part of me just wants to stay home”? That’s a glimpse into how IFS understands the mind. Your mind is made up of different subpersonalities or “parts,” each with their own perspective, feelings, and role.
A great visual example of this comes from Pixar’s Inside Out. In the film, 11-year-old Riley is guided by Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear. Each of these characters represents a distinct part of her inner world. Each of Riley’s emotions have different thoughts, desires, fears, behaviors, etc. In IFS, we use the term “parts” to describe these internal voices or subpersonalities. But unlike Inside Out, parts aren’t only emotions.
You might have:
A perfectionist part that pushes you to work hard
A part that will do anything to avoid conflict
A critical part that judges you harshly
A part that gets mad and reacts quickly
A caretaking part that puts others first
An anxious part that always scans for the worse case scenario
A part that gets overwhelmed and shuts down
Do We All Have Multiple Parts?
Yes, and it’s completely normal. I understand that it can sound weird or confusing at first, but IFS does not suggest that we all have dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder). Instead, it simply recognizes that your inner world is complex and made up of many facets. Each facet can have its own feelings, beliefs, and motivations, and sometimes they can be in conflict. One part might urge you to rest while another insists you keep pushing through. IFS can give you tools to understand these inner dynamics with curiosity and compassion.
Types of Parts
In IFS, parts are generally grouped into two main categories: Protectors and Exiles.
Protector Parts
Protector parts step in to manage your emotions and keep you functioning. They often take on strong roles to prevent you from feeling pain or vulnerability. For example, a perfectionist part may drive you to excel so you never feel unworthy. A numbing part might encourage you to scroll on your phone or overeat to avoid discomfort. Protectors work hard, but often because they’re trying to shield you from deeper wounds.
Exile Parts
Exiles hold painful emotions like shame, fear, grief, or loneliness, usually connected to past experiences that were overwhelming or traumatic. Because these feelings can be intense, protector parts often try to keep exiles hidden or silenced. But when exiles are pushed away for too long, they become burdened, isolated, and stuck in the past. Healing in IFS often involves gently connecting with these exiles so they no longer have to carry their pain alone.
How Do Parts Develop?
Parts often form based on our experiences, especially those from formative years. Let me explain with an example. Imagine a little girl playing on a playground with her classmates. She wants to join their game, so she speaks up and tells a silly joke. Instead of welcoming her, the other kids laugh at her and exclude her. That little girl feels hurt and embarrassed. This hurt is what IFS would call an exile wound.
From this experience and over time, she learns it’s easier to stay quiet and avoid drawing attention to herself. So, she develops a protector part that encourages her to watch what she says and keep quiet to avoid getting hurt again. This part is trying to help her stay safe, even though the original situation was painful.
What’s important to remember is that parts like this often don’t disappear once the experience is over. The little girl grows up, but that protector part can still show up in adulthood, sometimes in ways that don’t serve her well. For example, she might worry coworkers don’t like her and stay quiet in meetings or avoid speaking up.
These parts didn’t just happen by chance. They formed with a purpose: to protect her from feeling unsafe, embarrassed, or not good enough.
Understanding the Self: Your Inner Bus Driver
IFS also introduces the idea of the self. The self is the leader inside you and is often characterized by 8 C’s: compassion, clarity, confidence, courage, calm, creativity, curiosity, and connection. These qualities describe the presence that the self brings to your internal system, and to the healing process.
Think of your mind like a school bus full of students. Each student is a different part of you. Some parts are loud, some quiet; some protect you, while others carry old hurts. All of these parts belong on the bus and deserve to be heard. We’re not trying to kick anyone off!
But if the students start arguing, fighting for control, or even try to drive the bus, things get chaotic and stressful. That’s why the self is so important. The self is the bus driver who listens to each student, understands their needs, and guides the bus safely down the road. We want the self, not a part, to be in the driver’s seat.
When your self is driving, your parts can relax. They don’t have to fight for control. They can trust that someone capable and kind is in charge.
How IFS Therapy Helps
IFS therapy offers a gentle and powerful way to connect with yourself and heal the wounds you've been carrying. In IFS therapy, you’ll learn to recognize and get to know your different parts. You’ll explore how they feel, their roles and intentions, and what they need.
An important goal of IFS is to “unburden” the parts that hold pain, fear, or shame, often called exiles. When these parts are unburdened, they can relax and take on healthier roles. At the same time, protective parts can learn new, less stressful ways to keep you safe.
It’s important to understand that the goal isn’t to get rid of any parts. Instead, IFS helps your parts find new roles that are still protective but healthier and no longer driven by pain or fear. Imagine living from a place of compassion, courage, and clarity, rather than from a place of shame, anxiety, and guilt.
IFS can be helpful with a variety of challenges, including:
Anxiety and stress
Perfectionism and self-criticism
Trauma and PTSD
Emotional abuse and complex trauma
Burnout and compassion fatigue
Depression and mood struggles
Relationship difficulties
Low self-esteem and identity concerns
Grief, loss, and major life transitions
Overthinking and rumination
Final Thoughts
IFS therapy offers a compassionate and empowering way to better understand yourself, not by fighting against your thoughts or feelings, but by getting to know the parts of you that have been working hard to protect and guide you. When you begin to relate to yourself with compassion and curiosity instead of judgment, real healing becomes possible.
Many people of faith find that IFS complements their spiritual beliefs. The self in IFS—the calm, wise, and loving core within you—can be understood as a reflection of the way we’re created in God’s image. From this place of compassion and connection, you can extend grace not only to others, but also to yourself.
You don’t have to do this work alone. Whether you're struggling with anxiety, burnout, past trauma, or simply feeling disconnected from yourself, IFS offers a path to healing. If you’re curious about your parts and want support, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. Ready to begin? Schedule a free consultation.
Michaela Zoppa is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Colorado. She supports women and teen girls navigating anxiety, perfectionism, trauma, and burnout.
Learn More/Sources:
Docter, P. H., & Del Carmen, R. (Directors). (2015). Inside Out [Film]. Walt Disney Pictures; Pixar Animation Studios.
IFS Institute. https://ifs-institute.com
Schwartz, R. (2001). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.
